You can't have a cookie NOW because dinner will be ready in 15 minutes. No, you won't starve to death in that time, despite what you think.
Parenting is tough. I've said it before and I'll say it again and again I'm sure. Parenting hurt kids is even tougher. Things are going along great, then BAM. Some trigger you're not even aware of occurs, and you're left in the wake trying to piece together what happened. Eventually you do, and learn that there will be times when these rages, these moments of impulsive explosion are something you can't prepare for, or react to. In that moment you hold the child or keep them safe until it blows over, then help them pick the pieces up. Right now is more important for them to realize you're safe, you love them and you're not leaving them. Even if it takes them 20+ years to realize the last part. Or the first, or middle.
Here's to a new year, new chances, and some perspective.